Well in a change from http://www.fmylife.com i've begun reading:

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Absolutely hilarious HAHAH some of the best:

(678): did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
(404): did it work?
(678): nope

(775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
(1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?!
(775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

(859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
(502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?

(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
(917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
(917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
(718): messed up. what color are the wings?

(573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

(727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
(303): lol who won
(727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

(512): just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
(1-512): pretty standard. you have fun last night?
(512): apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
(1-512): typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

(712): Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.

(845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

(408): I think I just got seasick
(409): you're not on a boat
(408): he has a waterbed.

(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap

(206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

(303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

(508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
(978): I guess I misjudged your gender.

(703): i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf

(858): My sheets look like a crime scene.

(132): if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder

and lastly....because this one reminded me of Kerry (after the detroit joke)

(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know